This is an article written by Teresia LaRoc after interviewing me 5 or so years back when I was in her sassy and savvy group of women that I thought was worth sharing again:
After our last Sassy Conversation, Paula Kerr found herself approaching life with a new perspective. When she started thinking about her standards and boundaries in business, she realized that she needed to apply these concepts to her personal life as well. And the results were just as powerful.
“I finally gave myself permission to look around and say, ‘That’s just not going to work for me. Here’s how it works in my world.’ This was the start of some big changes in my relationships particularly with men.
“I was married for 10 years, and now I’ve been dating for the last 9. I’ve really embraced my dating life as an opportunity to learn about myself, a chance to try things on and explore the boundaries that define who I am. In the process, I get a chance to see who the men are by the way they respond to me.
“Ever since I started raising my standards and strengthening my boundaries, I’ve noticed something interesting: when I’m clearly communicating what works for me, people either step up to play or they move on. And when I give them a chance to pick up the slack, a lot of men do! (If only I had known that while I was married!)
“I recently had a talk with a close friend who’s been married for 25 years, and I realized that she was voicing the same concerns and problems that I hear in my own head. The difference is, married people have someone else to blame for problems; as a single woman, I don’t have that luxury – I have the mirror. If I want better people or better results in my life, I know I have to go out and create them for myself. And I am – through higher standards and stronger boundaries!
“Now that I’m clear and comfortable with what works for me, relationships are much easier. I’m not picking up the strays anymore; I’m making conscious choices about who I want to be around and work with (even if that means turning down a client who wants to work with me). When I choose what’s best for me, I don’t care if other people like me or not… if not, they aren’t for me. I’m not compromising myself or my values anymore, and that feels fantastic.”
Are you chasing something “out there” to be happy? What if you don’t have to do ” all those things” to get what you want? What if you were to just “be the person you want to be”? What are you telling your brain?